Kent Toussaint is a California
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He specializes in helping kids, teens
and their families find more happiness as both individuals and family members.
For more information about
Test Anxiety
by Kent Toussaint, MA MFT
October 2008
Your kids are back in school, and now the work is even more intense.
Your kids are one year closer to graduating and the grades seem even more
important than ever before. Sometimes this pressure can lead to test-anxiety, destroying your child’s
confidence and ability to succeed.
Test-anxiety! What
is that?
Test-anxiety is a form of performance anxiety that both children and teenagers
alike experience that can hold your kid in its grasp of incapacitating fear.
Before a test, your youngster may feel so pressured to succeed that she starts
to panic. This in turn triggers her body to release the hormone adrenaline, sometimes creating a nasty anxiety
attack. The physical symptoms of this can often be a racing heart, headache, shortness
of breath and sweating… all which can lead to an inability to focus on
the task at hand.
So what’s
wrong with that? I’ve heard you say before that a certain amount of
anxiety is good for kids.
Yes, that’s true. It is important for children to experience a
healthy amount of anxiety as it prepares them to face more difficult challenges
in adulthood. However, your test-terrorized child may need some additional
guidance from you to manage his overpowering nerves.
After all, if your kid is feeling too much anxiety about tests and
important school projects, it might paralyze him into inaction leading to
unnecessary failure. If left unchecked, he could be stuck in a cycle of
feeling overly worried and unprepared before tests, failing them and then
dreading the next exam even more, leading to further failure. The longer this
cycle continues, the harder it is to break.
It’s just a
test. What could be so terrifying?
Ultimately, it is the fear of failure that can lead to debilitating
test-anxiety. Sometimes it is self imposed, and other times your child can be
subjected to undue pressure by teachers, peers and even you.
Me? Are you saying
that I may be responsible?
It’s possible. Every family is different. Take a minute or two
and really ask yourself:
Do your answers surprise you?
Well, that’s
not fair. I’m trying really hard to make sure that my kid does the very
best that she can. What am I supposed to do; coddle her and tell her that no
matter what kind of grades she gets that it’s just fine?
No. Pampering your kid and putting zero pressure on her is not the
answer either. Perhaps, there is a middle ground however between demanding
perfection and babying your child.
I don’t
understand what you mean by “middle ground.” He’s either
succeeding or failing, what’s the “middle ground?”
Test anxiety often can be attributed to an unwavering need for
perfectionism. Unfortunately, achieving perfection is rarely attainable and
never on a consistent basis… especially for a youth. Yet when children
feel pressured to be perfect, they generally do not achieve their potential
because all they can focus on is the fear of disappointing you.
The middle ground is helping
her prepare for her test in a calm and supportive way. The middle ground is setting the example with
realistic expectations. The middle ground
is recognizing the often overlooked successes as much as – if not more
than the mistakes.
Hmm… Okay, how
do I help my kid prepare for a test without the arguing and the attitude?
First, check your attitude at the door. If you approach him
with impatience or snippiness, your kid will pick up on it and react…
bringing about crazy-making results.
Second, listen to your child’s fears about his classes, teachers,
expectations, etc. without trying to change his mind... even though you may
really, really want to. Often, a little quiet understanding on your part can
help reduce some of that anxiety he’s feeling. Pressuring him to change
his mind might actually increase his fears, not eliminate them.
Third, collaborate with your kid on setting up a structured
homework/study schedule. Make sure to plan around meals, appropriate bed times
and a chance to have fun each day. All three are important. Your child needs
healthy nutrition to fuel his body and brain. Without it and enough sleep
(8-10 hours), your kid will be at a great disadvantage when test taking. Your
kid will more than likely do better and feel more at ease with a full belly and
a well rested brain than a hungry and half-asleep head overflowing with facts
and formulas that he can’t make sense of. Don’t forget, if your
kid doesn’t take time out to relax and have fun, he won’t be able
to release some of that pent up tension that is distracting him from doing his
best.
Fourth, teach your child to accept mistakes as a natural part of life both
through your words and your actions. Slip-ups are not monsters to be feared
and avoided. Errors are to be embraced as they are our greatest teachers.
When shame is removed from failure, there is a much greater chance of taking
responsibility for one’s actions. We can be honest with ourselves about
what we did wrong and how we want to improve because we are not embarrassed by
disappointment.
But don’t I
need to make sure that she feels bad if she does poorly in school so she starts
to work harder?
If your kid is suffering from test-anxiety, she already does feel
bad… really bad. It doesn’t help her to feel even worse. Besides,
it is probably less about working harder and more about working smarter and
being more organized… something that kids and teens are notoriously bad
at.
Guide your child toward studying in a systematic way. Accept her
successes as well as disappointments with a balanced perspective. If you can help
her be more confident by showing that you love her and are proud of her no
matter how she does, she just might relax enough to get out of her own way. Remember,
a relaxed and confident student will generally be a more successful and less
anxious test taker.
If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a
complimentary phone consultation:
Kent Toussaint, MA
(818) 983-7728